Being… afraid sucks
As always, this is a reformatted, spell checked, etc version of a twitter thread.
I miss doing #CoffeeWithCypher streams. But I just don’t have the strength to deal with the fuckery that comes from the “Just Chatting” category. It’s disheartening & heartbreaking to deal with the foolishness that comes with being in that category. Much as I hate saying it, dealing with that stalker has me put off doing streams in that category.
Feeling anxious anytime you decide to go live in that category, not knowing what fuckery could jump off? Makes even the “strongest” person skittish.I put strongest in quotes since folks assign being strong, tough, a hardened queen to black women in particular. It’s fucking exhausting. To not have the space to be vulnerable.
To have this expectation of not only being strong but also of caring for others. See the whole “black women will save us” thing that ran through social, political & other spaces in the last few years.Or people want to be entertained by us clapping back at the racists & other fuckery that enters the chat & timeline. Without considering the emotional toll that takes. There’s a reason many of us just block & move on.
Some of us chew on our food as good sis Friskk likes to say & do. Which is fun, when you got the energy & time. But what about the days when all you wanna do is play a game & chill? Or just talk about issues, or other shit on our streams? Or we gotta deal with ignorant people who want to derail & just debate us on our lived experiences so they can supposedly “learn?”
I repeat that shit is exhausting. A lot of that but just left over anxiety & yes…fear of dealing with that stalker keeps me from fully enjoying something I love to do. It’s tiresome & it hurts.
PS: save your ignore the trolls & they’ll go away advice. It does not work. How do I know? See last years early access stream of Control where the stalker popped up after months of silence. So ignoring? Not a successful tactic when you’ve got a stalker.
