On the lingering pain of workplace abuse
As usual, with these things, they started from a tweet thread. CW for mentions of work place gaslighting and emotional abuse.
I’ve had the effects of having an abusive boss or toxic workplace on the brain because I realized how it affects my interactions with others. For a while (shy of 6 months) @karnythia and I worked for the same gas lighting MF’er at DPU. I’m still scarred years later. It was abuser 101, white dude in position of power who held my job in his hands. Still unsure what turning point was but he turned evil fast.
Nothing I could do was right, would call me into meetings to berate me. Of course at start or end of day so no one else could overhear. That affected me when I moved on to IIT later. I cried the first time I had a performance review. The damage runs deep. To the point that now, can I talk to you or meeting requests with no topic or agenda trigger anxiety attacks.
I was on anti-anxiety meds for the last few months I worked at DPU. I was always on edge and fearful at IIT. It didn’t help that I had a work-aholic supervisor before things went south there. Even now, innocuous things trip fear in me. When logically? I know there is no reason to be afraid, because I work for myself (freelance exceptions ofc) but still.
That’s the depth to which gas-lighting and abuse of power goes in supervisor/direct report situations can go. Toxicity over 9,000. It happened before I “left” IIT. AD sent meeting requests that just said HR mtg. Anxiety went from 10 to 1000 in no time flat. That was the beginning of the end there but if you’re a supervisor you need to realize how your staff can take things. All I saw when I got that meeting was flashes of what the fuck did I do? Logic went for a smoke break and didn’t come back. It didn’t help that the AD was as useful as dirt in winter. Instead of advocating for us she took HR’s banner and rode hard for them.
Speaking of HR, never trust them. They are there for the company or school. They give no fucks about you as an employee. I.E the name, Human Resources. You’re expendable and they will side with supervisor because of that. Just make an exit plan. I’ll end on some notes for you. Notice if the following happens/is happening at work, especially if you were ok before.
- You can’t do anything right all of a sudden. You get reprimanded or responses to things that seem way over the top? Document it all
- Removal of any of your responsibilities. That’s a sure sign bullshit is going down. Ask for why in writing.
- you get moved out of your space to a smaller area/moved out of an office. I was an office manager. Got put in a hallway facing cubicle. That’s dangerous when I had all sorts of confidential and private data (student & $$) that needed to be kept on lock.
- Meetings to discuss “performance” or anon complaints about you/your work instead of discussing with all parties involved.
- Boss offering to go to HR to work it out. That’s a trap, don’t fucking do it. They will use everything you say against you later.
- Comments about any time off requests/use of calling off sick against you. Accusations of not being a team player.
- Flat out denial of time off requests when others get to take off when they please. It’ll come up in your review.
- Accusations you’re looking for a job on their time (no matter if that’s true or not) or wondering why you’re unhappy
- Bad performance review that has no basis in your actual performance. Words like emotional, hard to work with, etc.
Document everything, keep it on a flash drive. If you see the writing on the wall, take your stuff home in batches. That way if/when they decide to drop you? You can pitch the ID at them and walk out. Don’t trust them to send your belongings. I had to when I got canned at IIT. Fuckers didnt even try to be decent. Just dumped it in a box and sent it on.
Things I’d had were never sent and shit that wasn’t mine forwarded to me. It’s made me leery of ever working in an office again TBH. I know it sounds harsh, but don’t get close to co-workers or your boss they will betray you. Don’t add on FB etc. Leave the office there when you’re done. Don’t check email, don’t give them any extra pieces of you. You can’t get them back later.
If you’re a supervisor, think about the damage you can do with words and deed. Scars run deep from workplace abuse.
