So white women, I gotta ask y’all something…

Ok so after seeing a thing happen repeatedly to me and other WOC but especially black women on here I need to ask white women something. First the thing I’m seeing happen repeatedly. Whenever we talk about the dangers and harm of white feminism/white feminists™ guilt spills. By that, I mean without fail when we discuss the topic, white women come out with their list of deeds to show they’re a good white feminist.

Problem is, we didn’t ask. It really isn’t a good look to do that when we are talking about the harm done by white women to us. It also recenters the discussion around you and your feelings of whatever your feeling. Also in that moment? No one cares. Sorry not sorry. So what I need from white women who claim they are intersectional, who claim they get it? To fucking listen & quell the urge to do this.

It’s not the point of discussion going on to then turn to you and comfort you that you’re ok. That you aren’t one of the WW who failed us. You didn’t vote for Tr**p? Excellent, kudos for being a decent human. Now what will you do? You don’t get a cookie for that. Also, if I or other WOC are discussing these things? We probably don’t care and you’re not helping by recentering the convo. Its derailing 101, a tactic often used by folks who don’t want us there. By doing it subconsciously, you’re tanking what little inclination I or other WOC might have had to listen to you.

Words are nice but all things have their place. My conversation about the things white feminism has failed to do for me as WOC ain’t it. There’s a few people I had to cut off because they couldn’t stop making these convos about their hurt feelings instead of listening. So the next time you see WOC especially black women talking in spaces you have access to?

As always, don’t turn the convo into free emotional labor by “just asking a question” of the OP. Google is free. Your tears mean very little when we’ve been excluded from the get go. When a lot of black women don’t call themselves feminists. Wonder why? Previous line ended on a rhetorical by the way. I know exactly why some black women don’t call themselves feminists.

TL;DR for white women. Curb your urge to respond to discussion of white feminism’s failures by WOC. Esp. If it’s to claim your ally cookie

INDG Founder, cast Rivals of Waterdeep, Mother Lands RPG Creative Director, diversity & inclusion consultant, freelance rpg dev, speaker & Twitch Partner