Some maudlin Sunday thoughts on being a creator in this economy…
Some days I wonder when the bottom will fall out of what I am doing. When I’ll have to get a full time gig, reporting to someone else again. For all that I’m “successful” I feel like it’s just a matter of time before things crumble. The world is burning down around us, and money is tighter than ever for folks. At some point, folks will have to make a choice between supporting creators (not just me, this is a generalization) and making ends meet.
I’m fortunate that there is a community that does support what I do, what I hope to do and what I’ve managed so far. But imposter syndrome also makes me feel like it’s all just stupid luck & no skill involved. I’m pretty fatalistic about things as it is. I am always waiting for something to go wrong. For one thing said out of frustration or anger or just being fucking tired being weaponized to “cancel” me. Waiting for the shoe to drop is exhausting.
Yet when you talk of wanting to let it go, to quit or when you’re just exhausted and need a break; folks can come out the woodwork then to either support you or give permission that wasn’t asked for. I’ve also been thinking about friendships, both online and in person. Actual friendships and how fragile they can be. How folks get too comfortable too quick online, or in other venues. Not talking about the parasocial bonds but actual friendship.
How one thing, one moment can be a pivotal moment or something that makes a whole lot of things crash down. How that domino effect can be great or cause a whole lot of harm to what you do and where you are. These thoughts and others I’m keeping firmly wrapped up in the brain meats brought to you by a spiral of dark thoughts on a Sunday afternoon that are running unchecked and I may regret this thread later for being vulnerable on the public TL.
