Talk less, listen more…I beg of you.
I really wish people would learn, ESPECIALLY on twitter that sometimes you don’t need to actually reply to literally every tweet you see with your opinion. Nine times of ten; there’s not a question that is being posed to you, and shock of shocks, no one gives a damn about your hot take. Really, we don’t.
I see this a lot with people I follow, and in reply to me when I tweet about/retweet issues concerning race usually. Without fail someone will go but actually, or hop into a convo between POC to give their ‘White Opinion’ (tm) and really, it’s not needed. Or they want to prove how woke they are or that they aren’t like that white person you’re talking about cause they’re so aware.
I’m tired y’all. I would probably die of shock if I could go a few hours without this phenomenon occurring. It’s better for everyone if folks show, not tell, over and over and over and prove they still have a whole lot of work to do.
A couple additional thoughts I wanted to add from comments on my FB posting of the above. One comment I got:
yes! I want to tell them, “It’s *my* White People Opinion (tm) that we need to shut up and listen right now” but then they generally throw a “you’re silencing/oppressing me!!!” hissy fit and everything gets derailed further.
But if white people don’t call out/in the white people that are messing up the ally thing (usually by not listening to the POC they claim to love/support), then their behavior will never change and nothing will get better. White privilege = white obligations. I just don’t know what to say that’ll be effective once it’s reached the point that they refuse to let POC be the primary voices speaking on POC issues. Been rocking the feminist badge for 15 years and I still don’t have a good method for dealing with men who’ll only listen on gender roles/issues when it comes from other men.
Tl;dr: Would love to help, don’t know how, guidance would be appreciated (although the 26 tweets you posted are my new go-to). Also, please pretty please tell me to shut up when needed.
To which I replied:
the issue isn’t so much white people telling *other* white people to shut up and listen. It’s when ‘woke’ white folks feel the need to jump into conversations POC are having in a space with YES TELL THEM WHITEY’s! kind of affirmations when really, how about instead you’d be better served linking to words of POC and saying STFU and listen/read.
The conversation continued…
That’s the thing- I kinda think white people *should* say, “hey, we’re guests here, we need to shut up and listen/read” when we see another white person jumping in and running their mouth where they’re not wanted. I just don’t know how to do it in a way that’ll be effective.
Idk, I keep thinking about what Bell said in that article (I think) you posted. POC have said everything there is to say about Trump and not enough white people are listening so now it’s time for white people to speak AS white people TO white people and shut him down. I’ve had some success getting straight people to shut up and listen when queer people are talking about queer issues and Fred’s had some success with getting other guys to do the same on gender issues. But race issues, not so much.
It’s just… staying silent and not calling them out/in feels like endorsement of their behavior. But trying to get them to shut up and listen, no matter how nicely/privately, feels like I’m saying, “not all white allies” in response to the “not all white people” brigade. It’s so circular and I’ve rambled on so much (again!) that I’m now the white person talking too much about white people talking too much.
http://www.salon.com/.../whites_against_trump_kamau_bell.../
Here’s my reply that I want to expand on a bit here since I didn’t have the bandwidth to do so on FB:
I’m not talking about silence either… what I’m talking about is white people not jumping in to begin with. If you see another white person going well actually in a POC’s mentions, then yes speak up.
My original point was that white people and others working against racism, (and also in terms of speaking on homophobia, transphobia, etc but I am focusing on discussions of racism here) need to learn when their voice is simply NOT NEEDED or WANTED in a conversation. We don’t always need white co-signing and verification of things we have said before, are agreeing on and speaking on in public spaces. Many times it detracts from the conversation.
A lot of times we also see not just a butting in on conversations between POC, but requests for our time and validation of their agreement with our truth. A lot of times people who discover the things we know to be self evident want their hallelujah choir to confirm they are a good white person (tm) or good anti-racist that has seen the error of their ways. Nah, you don’t get a cookie for seeing what’s been apparent forever and some change.
So tl;dr for my white friends reading this:
When you see POC conversing in public spaces, don’t jump in with your agreement, or attempt at going ME TOO!
If you see other white folks doing that on the TL? Come get your people, talk to them.
If you see some racist bullshit, speak up. BUT do not dogwhistle every POC you follow to come and co-sign your outrage. We’re fucking tired y’all.
Lastly, read these two pieces on Medium. First is by Marco Rogers https://storify.com/polotek/the-journey-on-twitter
Then this post by B.J. May which was inspired by the above 26 tweet journey.
Oh and if you are tempted to say, well don’t be on social media if you don’t want people to talk to you in response to this? Save yourself the trouble. It’s not that I don’t want people to talk to me on social media, hell I’m still on FB after all. It’s that we need to shift the culture of people feeling like they need to have their say even when their voice isn’t needed, and in many cases wanted.
